


Looking for Heaven

by Hornet394



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Canada has feelings, Fake/Pretend Relationship, German alert, M/M, i've forgotten how tagging works
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-04
Updated: 2015-03-04
Packaged: 2018-03-16 07:30:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,605
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3479576
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hornet394/pseuds/Hornet394
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Matthew knew that he loved Arthur.  Matthew also knew that Alfred was fucking Arthur during every available opportunity.  If being his fake boyfriend was the closest Arthur allowed, he wasn't going to stop there and lose to Alfred again, like the way he lost Gilbert without putting up a fight.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Looking for Heaven

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Sexual Frustration](https://archiveofourown.org/works/1033130) by [The_Tevinter_Biscuit (orphan_account)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/The_Tevinter_Biscuit). 



> It's been like one year and 2 months since angelicheartbeat gave me permission to write this side story hahahahaha Give chance and comments please

 

They honestly thought no one knew.  Matthew could feel those heavenly moans seep into his skin, imprinting and changing his DNA until all he had left was a craving for his best friend.  His Arthur.

They acted like they weren't fucking in the bathroom every now and then, Alfred acting like all he loved were cleavages when he could only be satisfied with the tight heat that a man could give, that differed so much from the female sex.  Arthur acting so prim and proper when he would spread his sinfully long legs and bend over at a snap of Alfred's fingers.  Matthew hated Alfred, but he could never be able to hate Arthur with his kind smile and the warmth of his touch and his luminous eyes and his lithe waist, and the way his brows furrowed at a particularly difficult question and the way he chewed his pen and the way he said Matthew’s name.

In case the Curious Reader is still at a loss, Matthew loved Arthur.  The Cynical Reader would dismiss his feelings as lust, but Matthew disagreed.  Alfred and Arthur were lust.  Matthew and Arthur?  That was love.  He wanted Arthur's smile to be his and his only, the light glowing underneath his skin as Matthew made love to him, properly, taking care of him, waking up to him every morning.  Arthur wasn't made to be fucked, he was made to be cherished and loved under Matthew's fingers and touch.

The first time they met, Alfred was there, too.  His cousin was showing him his school, and showing him off to the girls that followed Alfred like lost puppies, as usual.  "That's the stup- sorry, student council president, Kirkland.  He's lame." Alfred had said.  Matthew was curious, then.  They had passed the entire population of the school but it was only this Arthur Kirkland who had garnered a description from Matthew's egotistical cousin.

So when Arthur sat next to him in AP literature, Matthew fell in love.  He didn’t know when he had started falling out in love with Gilbert and in with Arthur, but he could see how the two of them were so similar.  Both acted completely gentle-like with him, actually thought that Matthew was someone to be respected and honoured, snarking at everyone else but him.  But Gilbert had gotten fed up with Matthew and had left, so why should Matthew still think about him?

It wasn’t an immediate process, of course, for the first few lessons he grew to like Arthur.  He had a wit that was unparalleled with anyone Matthew had met, with intelligence higher than those Matthew usually associated with.  For a change, Matthew actually felt useful.  He didn’t find Arthur stupid, or overly strict, or condescending and plain ridiculous as Alfred reiterated over and over again.

How could he not fall in love?

He also noticed it, then, that every now and then Alfred would approach Arthur in the library, leaving his gaggle of girls behind.  Matthew also saw how Arthur’s eyes always clouded over when he saw Alfred, how his anger and annoyance towards Matthew’s cousin never reaching his eyes.

He started trailing them, then.  Gilbert would say he was obsessive, but Matthew felt he had the right to know, after all hadn't he stumbled upon Gilbert with Ludwig eating together last time he did so?  If he hadn’t practically thrown himself to the German, he would still be a fucking virgin cowering behind bookcases staring at his crush, instead of taking action and befriending Arthur with the aim of making sweet love to him.

Matthew was jolted out of his reverie with the shrill ringing of his phone.  Arthur.  Of course.

“Hello?” he said timidly.  
  
“Hello Matthew, it’s Arthur,” the voice on the other end of the line said.  
  
“Oh Arthur, what’s up?” He said calmly, like he didn't have Arthur's voice and Arthur's number memorised already, like he didn't have a photo of Arthur fast asleep at lunch as his caller ID.  
  
“What are you up to?”

“Um," Matthew scrambled up from his bed, leafing through the loose pieces of sheets on the floor.  "I was just looking over the notes I made in class for the Science exam, why?”   
  
“Do you think you could come over? There’s something I’d like to talk to you about.” Arthur sounded nervous, so unlike his normal calm and composed stature.  Matthew didn't like this at all.

“Huh? Yeah sure I’ll be over in ten." The words came out without even thinking.

“Thanks Matthew,” Arthur sounded relieved over the phone, and Matthew wondered again what had put the other boy off guard.  The Logical Reader might already know what Arthur wanted, for Matthew already had an inkling of suspicion.

“No problem,” With that he hung up. He sat there on the floor like a deer caught in headlights until he quickly scrambled to the closet, flinging the doors wide open. He finally settled on a comfortable dark red hoodie and light blue jeans that hugged his curves snugly.  Gilbert had always said that such apparel suited him way better.   _I love you in any way you look, schatzi_.  Casting a glance to the clock, he had around 5 minutes left to get to Arthur’s house.

Leaving a quick note for his mother, he jogged out of the door, down the path to Arthur’s house.  The road was framed with scenic bushery, birds singing jovially among the branches.

He knocked lightly on Arthur’s door, and he could hear the pattering of socks on stairs as Arthur rushed down.  When Arthur whipped the door open, his pupils were slightly blown from worry and anticipation, so Matthew smiled at him and hoped it would do the trick.

“Come in, come in,” Arthur greeted, holding the door open for him. Matthew happily walked inside of his home and spared a glance around the room to familiarize himself with Arthur’s home, since after all it had been a while since he had been here last.  
  
“So what’s bothering you Arthur?” he questioned, looking at the Brit as he closed the front door behind him. Arthur gestured to the stairs and guided him to his room. He sighed heavily against the door to his room as Matthew squirmed around on the bed, searching for his regular position as he did every time he came over. Matthew couldn't find it.

“Alfred,” Arthur began, then stopped, his eyes staring unfocused at the window behind Matthew's head. Slowly, painfully, Arthur shared with Matthew what Matthew had always knew.

"Alfred Jones has been fucking me in the toilet." Arthur confessed, then stopped, finally looking at Matthew to gauge his reaction. "It was- he came up one day, just dragged me to the bathroom, and it felt so good, you know? Then- it happened once, then it just- it just spiraled out of there."

"Go on." Matthew mumbled. Arthur shot him an indecipherable look. "At lunch breaks, when I'm revising in the library and he's done with training, oh gods I started waiting for him, and he would show up at my locker and- and- and I think I’m in love with him." Arthur buried his head into his hands, thin shoulders quivering. Matthew fought the urge to quiver, to curl up in a ball at Arthur's own confession, but he couldn't.  Matthew wanted to go over to give him a great big hug, but he knew he didn't have the right yet.

"It's just-" Arthur started, "Out of everyone in the school, he chose me, and I don't know if that's supposed to mean something, but I just feel so happy when I think about it and sad all the same because he'll never pay me the attention he does to those girls of his, right?"

'You're worth so much more than those girls,' Matthew wanted to say, but Arthur would want him to explain and what could Matthew say?

"I think I love him." Arthur continued, "But I don't know what he thinks. I don't want to be just a quick fuck, but what if he thinks I'm annoying because I want his attentions? I trust you Mattie, that’s why- and- thank you. Thank you for listening.”

“Anytime.”  Matthew smiled reassuringly.  He loved how Arthur was bearing his soul to him, those green eyes searching for recognition.

“So... what should I do?”  Arthur said cautiously.  Matthew mulled over it, before he settled on a neutral approach.  
  
“Well...Alfred is a big spoilt brat, he always has been...but he’s good at heart, he just thinks he can have everything…” he explained, recalling the days where Alfred would take away all his toys and push him into the grass. Arthur listened closely. “It’s hard to say if there’s anything there I mean...besides the...bathroom activities...but your best bet is to deny him what he wants. He’ll whine about it for a while but if there’s nothing there, he’ll get over it in a couple days and find something or...someone else.”  He continued through gritted teeth.  
  
“And if he gets over it?” Arthur questioned, the reluctance and hesitation clear in his stormy eyes.

“If he gets over you, I don’t know how anyone could but...he’s really not worth your time Arthur,” he responded, a slight bit of nervousness in his voice as he smiled warmly at the other teen.  
  
“Thanks Matthew,” Arthur said with a firm nod, and Matthew's smile widened.This was the Arthur he knew and loved, and what Matthew knew of Alfred he was 100% sure that his cousin wasn't serious, he never knew what it meant by loving someone and caring for someone wholeheartedly. Unconsciously he began to play with his fingers, twiddling his thumbs as he contemplated how he could make Arthur see that Matthew was the better one, he was the one who had always been waiting patiently, who did Alfred think he was to just swoop in and destroy all of Matthew's hard work? Matthew was about to suggest a walk to the mall, maybe even buying Arthur a new book, when the object of his fantasies said, “What if I make him jealous?”

“Jealous? What do you mean?” Matthew asked, forcing himself to stay calm even as his heart took flight like a hummingbird. Did he plan on asking someone out? Wasn't the torture Matthew had gone through over?

“Well...if I was dating someone else, he’d back off right?” Arthur hesitated, looking at somewhere behind Matthew’s head. Matthew nodded in agreement. “Though...that leaves the question of who would be willing to do that,” Arthur continued.  
  
“What about me?” Matthew blurted out, not realizing what he had proposed until the words had left his lips. His cheeks heated up a little into a faint shade of red and his smile twitched. Arthur’s green eyes met his, and Matthew reveled in the emotions swelling in the other blond’s emerald orbs.  
  
“Oh would you do that for me Matthew?” Arthur gasped, his smile finally reaching his eyes, “ That’d be wonderful but you really don’t have to get involved-”  
  
“No it’s fine, I want to,” Well, way to go Matthew. You want to huh? _So fucking desperate, Mattie, am I going to be the only one to see you like this, liebling?_  He shook those thoughts from his head. “To help you I mean.” He said carefully, watching Arthur look down onto the floor, embarrassed.  

* * *

"Hey Gilbert," Matthew whispered, caressing the worn photo with two fingers.  The albino was squinting against the camera, his smile so wide it must have hurt.  The shadows beneath the corners of his mouth looked like two hooks, holding his grin and framing it for Matthew.  His silver hair looked shockingly white here, dirty and matted, uncared for.  

Whoever held the camera hadn't done a great job, Gilbert was under the shadow of the trees as his arm wrapped around Matthew's waist, the blonde's arms holding the arm in a vice-like grip, anchoring Gilbert by his side.  "I miss you so much," Matthew breathed, "But you understand why I've been away for so long, right?"

Gilbert did not reply him.  The Observant Reader understand why.

"Arthur's agreed to date me," he went on, laying down on his back on the bed.  "Well not really dating, but we're going to be together." He pulled a blanket across his stomach, "You always said I didn't know how to love properly, didn't you? That's why you let Alfred fuck you because having your dick in my ass 24/7 wasn't enough, you had to fuck around, didn't you?"

Three years back Matthew would have been screaming and crying as he thought of his first boyfriend, his first love, the first person who has told him he loved him.  But Gilbert just left him to cradle his own shattered heart, and Matthew just let him leave.  Matthew's grown now.  He was going to make Arthur fall in love with him and spare Arthur the heartache of being dumped by a boy like Alfred F Jones.  For the first time in his life, Matthew wouldn’t let Alfred take Arthur away from him.

* * *

 

It was perfect.  Matthew had pointed out that Alfred had a strong line of friends, it was probably better to act like a couple throughout the day rather than just when Alfred was around.  Arthur seemed a bit shy at first, but Matthew grabbed his hand and never let him go.  People around them congratulated them, some looked at them with disgusted eyes but thankfully kept their comments to themselves.  Matthew wouldn’t let anyone talk ill about his beautiful Arthur.  A week in, Matthew thought to themselves that he could spend his day like this forever.  During lunch period, Ivan and Carlos waved at him from their old table, but he smiled apologetically at him and motioned to Arthur’s table.“Did you guys enjoy literature?”  Matthew asked as he sat down.    He wrapped an arm around Arthur’s shoulders, and the other boy leaned in comfortably.  Kiku, Alfred’s lab partner, watched them with assessing eyes. “It was an interesting lesson,” The Japanese boy said, “Arthur helped me a lot with my worksheet.”

“It was nothing,” Arthur said lightly, “We’ve been sitting next to each other since the first day, of course we’re going to ace this class together too.”

Yao, Kiku’s older brother who lived in the same street as Alfred, smiled sweetly at the two of them.  “Arthur, you’re really too nice, are you coming over on sunday?”

“What’s happening on sunday?”  Matthew asked lightly, slightly unnerved.  “Oh, I always go to the Wangs every sunday, they make delicious chinese,” Arthur laughed, “Maybe you can come with me?”

“Sure!”  Yao said happily, “We’re making dumplings!”

“I would love too,” Matthew smiled radiantly.  He wanted to be part of Arthur’s life, as much as it as possible.  He loved him so much.  I can’t live without you.

Michelle, who had history in the same block Alfred had his english in, sat down with her tray then, eyeing them as well.  “Aren’t you two going to get some food?”  Blushing madly, Matthew pulled Arthur up with him as they shuffle in line, Arthur letting go of his hand to grab a tray.  “Mattie,” he said in a hushed whisper, “Erm, you don’t have to join me and my friends for lunch everyday, you can go back to your friends too,”

“But I enjoy spending time with you,” Matthew frowned, but the look in Arthur’s eyes made him immediately rethink his words, “Besides, Alfred shares the same lunch period with us.”  Arthur continued to look like a deer caught in the headlights and his gaze quickly snapped to Alfred and his table of girls at the far end of the hall.  Matthew quickly caught back Arthur’s attention with a quick mention of the food.  Arthur didn’t need to look at Alfred when Matthew was here, Arthur was dating Matthew now, wasn’t he? He was going to spend his days with Matthew, the weekdays and the weekends, the mornings and the afternoons.  Alfred could go fuck himself for all Matthew cared.

They both had a free period, so they bade their friends (Arthur’ friends, now Matthew’s too as well) good luck and left to the library.  Coincidentally, Alfred was also loitering in the corridors nearby, a few girls draped over him like cats in heat and more so fighting for his attention.  Matthew towed Arthur briskly past them, brain filled with murderous rage.  He noticed the look Alfred cast them as they passed, and so did Arthur.

“So when you get inside,” Matthew whispered to Arthur, “I’ll hide somewhere nearby, and we’ll wait for him to come in and we’ll confront him, okay?”

Arthur nodded, slightly dazed.  He grabbed a random book off the bookshelves and sat down at one of the tables, and Matthew fought the urge to look at what book it was.  He wanted to know everything about Arthur, wanted to know his habits and perks, his likes and dislikes.  He wanted to fill his room with stuff that Arthur likes and loves.

But Alfred was already approaching, and Matthew ducked behind the nearest bookcase.  Between Picture of Dorian Gray and Picklock was a small gap that he could spy onto Arthur, his eyes glassy with uncertainty and back completely rigid.  It wasn’t long before Alfred sauntered over, all gait and poise like a wild tiger hunting its prey.  He reached to grab Arthur’s wrist but Arthur snapped them, his eyes finally focusing and annoyance reaching his eyes.  He jerked away from Alfred’s touch, and Matthew’s heart did a flip.

“What the hell Kirkland?” He could hear Alfred growl out.  Matthew itched to go out and push Alfred away, who did he think he was, touching Matthew’s boyfriend like that?  But he knew it wasn’t time, and he clenched his fists as he watched on.  To both of their surprise, Arthur slammed the book onto the table.  “Not this time, Jones,” Arthur hissed out.  He could see Alfred’s face scrunch up in shock and recoil, not used to being rejected.  He never was, even when he was young.  Matthew knew it first hand.

“Don’t play games with me,” Alfred snarled, gripping Arthur’s wrist in a vice like grip.  But Matthew’s Arthur stared back with a fired gaze.  “I’m dating someone else!” He threw back, making an attempt to pull his hand back from Alfred.  Alfred let go, his shock apparent in his eyes.  Fighting the urge to purr like a satisfied lion, Matthew stepped from behind the bookcase, and walked over to the two of them with purpose in his gait.

His boyfriend was rubbing his wrist.  "Is there a problem Arthur...?" He asked softly, throwing a scathing glance at Alfred before devoting all his attention to Arthur.  Arthur shook his head, so Matthew smiled to show his relief.  Alfred was still staring at them like a gaping fish.  

Suddenly Arthur's lithe fingers grabbed the collar of Matthew's shirt, yanking him down into a sloppy kiss.  In Matthew's shock he could see see Arthur's eyes scrunched close, insecurity and inexperience poured out in that one simple closed mouth kiss.  His eyes fluttered shut and his heart was racing as he kissed Arthur deeply. It was all for show of course, that was the only reason… Their lips parted softly and Alfred was already gone.

“Sorry,” Arthur whispered to Matthew, and Matthew was lost in those soulful green eyes.  “You don’t have to be.”  He choked back, but Arthur was already shuffling away from him, shoulders tense and unhappy.  "Arthur- we can talk about this-" Matthew hesitated.  None of this was playing out like his script had intended.

The bell rung then, and Arthur fled.  Matthew was frozen rigid to the ground, something terrible and painful threatening to burst out of its seams within him.  What had just happened?

For the last two periods he sat by himself, staring at his books in shock.   _Scheiße are we still on this topic?  If you don't love me, Matthew, why should I give you all my love?_  He thought of Arthur, just two classrooms away, sharing a class with Alfred F Jones of all people- the last bell rung- why was the teacher still keeping him- finally he was dismissed- why is so many people at the door- Yao I don't want to talk to you now- stop- I need to see you- I need to find you- Where are you- your car is still here- I need to keep you with me before Alfred-

Arthur was pinned against the wire fence, Alfred looming over him like a hulking bear, claws and teeth all bared against the little bunny, trembling and quivering under Alfred's strength.  Matthew dashed closer- he needed to rescue Arthur- then Alfred leaned down and kissed Arthur.  It was one that Arthur melted into, fucking leaned into and returned, lips parting to let Alfred ravish him, ruin him, one that made Matthew's blood run cold.  He skidded to a halt, close enough to see the sweet terms of endearment between them and close enough for them to see him but they were all wrapped up against each other, lost within themselves.

Why was it that everytime Matthew tried to keep something by his side, when Matthew finally found someone he wanted to keep by his side, Alfred would always be able to take it from him? Why is it that he's always lost to Alfred, always under him- Matthew slid away quietly.

_I’m not your property, Engel, why are you treating me like such?_

 


End file.
